The Monstrosity: Day Three

Not really. We didn't go work today. We stayed home this morning, ran a load of laundry (work clothes), did a little house work around here... Then drove wa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ay up north to a discount wall paper store in the farthest part of Birmingham. They had lots of cheap stuff, most of it dog ugly--but that was to be expected. They did have several things that we thought, "Eh... that might be workable." I took a few pictures of the maybes so I can keep them in mind as I think, think, think about what to do where in this house. Right now I just feel way overwhelmed by how many decisions there are to make and it's like they all pile up into a serious log jam in my head when I try to concentrate on them.

They're not the only things that are jamming in my head lately. A few days ago I insisted that my Mom had only sent me the regular Ladies' Retreat application and not the additional staff application. I was sure of it and had Mom questioning her own sanity since she had been so sure that she had sent it. Of course when we got home from the Monstrosity that night I looked and there it was, with the envelope. And I thought, "Oh, yeah--I do remember seeing that."

I filled out the regular application and what I could of the staff application--the entire back side of the paper had to be filled out by my pastor. What's the deal with all that stuff, anyway? You have to give your life history and have a background check and all sorts of weirdness to be able to work in Tennessee. I'm wondering if I'll be blindfolded and interrogated next. Ha! Anyway, I took the application to church tonight and Brother Hopkins filled out the pastor stuff for me. I didn't read everything he wrote, but he did check "excellent" on all of the boxes (there were choices of excellent, good, fair, and poor or something like that -- just like when you go to a restaurant! HA!) as any gracious pastor would do. I mean, come on. What kind of a pastor is going to say a member has a "fair" attitude or is "poor" in their church attendance--when they KNOW the person is going to be reading their review! Ha! It's crazy.

ANYWAY, when I looked at the regular application that I had filled out a few days ago it said "Rebekah L. Smith." I didn't even catch it until I read down at the bottom where I had requested to stay in a room with Vicki Smith. When I saw her "Smith" I realized that I'd seen it somewhere else recently and started pondering where it could have been. I glanced at the top of the application and saw that I had signed my name that way. I've only been married for eleven and a half years, you know--it's easy to forget the new name. ~sigh~ It takes eleven jears! Thank you, Rosa.

Then there was the notebook that I had the entire Ladies' Retreat delegation searching for. I was certain that I'd had it with me and used it up until Saturday afternoon when it mysteriously vanished. When I got home I discovered it sitting by my chair. And then I remembered that before the Retreat I had thought, "I should consolidate all of my notes and information and get them into ONE notebook so I won't have to worry with keeping up with two." It was a good idea and I did enact it. I just FORGOT that I had ever thought or enacted it and spent half of the weekend searching for the all-important notes that I was sure were in the missing notebook.

And of course there are the missing PAINT SWATCHES!!!!!!!!! But we won't go there. I'm not sure I can handle that one right now since it is unresolved as yet--and acutely painful that the timing is what it is.

My mother amazes me at times like this. She always laughs and acts like I'm so pitiful or something. She reminds me of the time when I was a teenager and I went to make a tuna sandwich. I took the can of tuna, walked over to the sink, held the can under the faucet and thought, "Now... how do you work this thing?," thinking it was the electric can opener. That was bad enough, but far worse when Dad came in hungry and I went to get another can of tuna, walked right back to the sink, looked at the faucet and thought, "I just did this! How could I have forgotten how to work this thing already???"

Mom reminded me of that little incident tonight. And of the many times when she would send me to the pantry for a can of green beans or something and I would come back insisting that we were out of them. And truly, I had searched everywhere, looking at and sometimes even moving every can (green beans included), but somehow never saw them.

She reminds me of these things and acts like I'm some sort of pathetic freak of nature. Forgetting the times that she has made coffee without the coffee... and without the water... and without the pot (that was a messy one...) and a-a-a-a-a-a-a-all of the other scatterbrained things that SHE has done over the years... that a person like me has no shot of recalling at times like this when they would come in really handy. That's no testament to her sanity, obviously.

My Grandmother on Dad's side had multiples of most of her groceries with several boxes or bottles or jars of the same thing open at once--because she didn't think she already had that item and bought and opened more when there may have already been two or three half used sitting there. She did other strange things, too. She would sometimes put the butter dish in the dishwasher. I mean, with the butter still in it--thinking it was the fridge. Stuff like that.

Dad himself isn't known for being just real sharp all the time. He loses things regularly and can commonly be heard having conversations like this, under his breath of course: "Now, Steve, you had it last night... you were sitting right here... and then you thought 'I know what I'll do. I'll put it on the counter so I'll remember it in the morning.' Then what did you do, Steve? You've got to think. Think, think, think..." He's worn socks that were mismatched so many times they can't be numbered, sometimes badly mismatched. He used to have a safe under his desk. He taped the code to the front of the safe because he knew he'd never be able to remember it--or find it if he put it somewhere else. HA! That one just KILLED James. :-) As did the "Top Secret Information" that used to be on a clipboard next to Dad's computer with all of his important passwords and stuff like that. Hahahahaha!

In other words, I come from a very unkind gene pool. I prefer to think that we just save up our brains for the truly useful things and that's why the simple things like can openers, butter dishes, and matching socks so frequently confound us.

I was thinking the other day about how clueless Joe is most of the time. I remember the time when he was three or four years old and he came strolling out of the bedroom in a t-shirt, socks, and his ghandi's. "Joe!" I said, shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight of Larry in a towel (you've got to be in the loop to understand that one), "Go put your pants on!" To this day I can still see his bewildered little face as he said, "I did put my pants on." I was adamant that he hadn't (!) and curiosity finally got the best of him. He looked down and was genuinely shocked. "Oh. Oops. I'll be right back, Mom." Keven Lewis, who works with kids all the time, once watched Joe doing his school work. He told me later that if that kid was in public school they'd have him on some drug for ADHD in no time flat. Ha!

In any case, I come by my mental issues honest and find it rather degrading (not to mention hypocritical!) when Mom rolls her eyes and otherwise treats me with scorn--OVER THE GENES THAT SHE-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E WAS SO GENEROUS AS TO SHARE WITH ME! Okay, so a whole lot of the head genes came from Dad's side. --But certainly not all! She shared, too! I just wonder why I got all the bad stuff from both sides of the family and none of the strengths. How cruel is that?! ;-)

I say all of this now because I think Mom will be in Nicaragua and unable to read this post until sometime next week. By then I will have forgotten about it. :-)

Okay, pictures. I don't have anything new of the house, so here are a few that I found on my card tonight.

Nothing better than cuddling up with cozy blankets and a sleepy poodle. Don't let Tammy Washburn tell you any different. ;-)



This would have been much better as a video. I love watching Sam shinny up this tree! It's his favorite. :-)

And here we have Fort Powell. That's what the boys named this contraption. They worked on it for two days and had it totally destroyed within an hour of completion. Ha! They even pulled a bunch of weeds that James wanted rid of to use on their roof. Made him happy, made them happy.